i think my mom watched the whole time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
