Your tits are I can't wait for
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
