I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
