you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
