opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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