dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
