Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
