i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize