I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
