Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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