There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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