Nicole vs. Life
In America we eat man semen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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