I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
