Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
