There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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