I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
