My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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