i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is the high leading the old right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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