I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
