yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
