I am midnight drunk by noon
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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