Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
