dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why are your pants in the freezer?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
