I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
