In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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