maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
