Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
