I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
