so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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