Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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