UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
