You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
