Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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