it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
