I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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