Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
