I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
