he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
