So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
