There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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