I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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