i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
