kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize