What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
