So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
