I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
