That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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