bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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