Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize