I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
