You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
