I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
