dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
