ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
