i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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