I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
