No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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