Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
