At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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