You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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