i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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