would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
