I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
