if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Too much gin, very little bucket
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
