ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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