who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
