Acid is not a monday night drug
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
