How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
