I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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